Experts in the Art of Nonverbal Communication
Ever wish you could step outside a situation and see yourself the way others do? This month, we explore two powerful tools for gaining perspective — Stakeholders’ Input and becoming a fly on the wall. Both approaches help you observe your patterns, adjust with intention, and recognize your own growth.
Stakeholders’ Input — A New Way to See Yourself
Recently, I started taking a coaching class from our dear friend Bill Sommers, (Marshall Goldsmith Stakeholder Centered Coaching), and he shared a powerful idea about inviting Stakeholders’ Input — gathering feedback from others to see if you’re truly making progress toward your goals.
I told him how much I love that concept because it gives you another lens for growth. It’s not about whether I think I’m improving — it’s about whether the people around me see that growth too. Their perspective provides valuable insight we can’t always see for ourselves.
🪰 How to Be a Fly on the Wall — And Why It Matters
This month’s video highlights a classroom situation, but the concept applies far beyond the classroom walls. Whether you’re leading a team, managing a project, or parenting at home, the skill of becoming a “fly on the wall” can transform how you see and influence interactions.
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When we’re in a situation, we naturally become part of its dynamics. Our emotions, perspectives, and habits pull us into the flow — making it hard to see the full picture. By stepping back and becoming disassociated, we can observe from a neutral point of view. This allows us to analyze the situation more clearly and identify patterns we might otherwise miss.
Let’s look at the classic MGA triangle model:
T = Teacher, I = Individual, C = Class
(If you’re outside of education, swap the letters: L = Leader, I = Individual, G = Group.)
When we operate from one corner of the triangle, we’re only seeing the situation from that POV. But here’s the catch that’s missing information. You can’t fully see the role you play while you’re in it
By becoming a “fly on the wall,” you move above the triangle — seeing all three corners at once. This shift from associated (inside the experience) to disassociated (observing the experience) gives you a much richer understanding of the dynamics at play — including your own contribution.
If possible, record the situation you want to study. Video gives you the power to pause reality, watch it in slow motion, or even speed it up to spot patterns. Each perspective offers valuable insight.
Pro Tip: When reviewing video of yourself, use third-person language. Instead of saying, “I did XYZ,” say, “She/He/They did XYZ.” This small shift helps you stay emotionally neutral and focused on learning, not judging.
Whether you’re collecting feedback from others or becoming a fly on the wall yourself, both methods help you gain perspective — giving you the clarity to recognize growth, adjust patterns, and continue evolving as a communicator and leader.
-Krista
How can MGA help you improve your nonverbal communication skills?
Education
Nourish student relationships and reduce disciplinary time. Learn how enhancing your nonverbal communication helps classroom management.
Business
Fuel your employees and lead them to even greater successes. Discover how nonverbal communication helps business leaders and in-house teams.
Personal Development
Build better relationships with your colleagues, close friends, and your intimate partner — just by learning nonverbal communication skills and making them a habit. Learn more.
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