Experts in the Art of Nonverbal Communication
However, proactivity doesn’t just happen; it requires specific ingredients.
Recognizing the Pattern: First, you must notice the signs that a situation is developing. We recognize these because we’ve seen them before. Patterns from past experiences allow us to predict what happens next. Once you identify a pattern, you gain the power to choose what works and discard what doesn’t.
The Strategy: Going Visual This brings us to the planning stage: What can you do ahead of time to alter the pattern? At MGA, we recommend Going Visual. By using visual aids or cues, we create a bridge that separates emotions from the issue.
The Technique: Eyes on the Visual A critical ingredient when using a visual with another person is to keep your eyes on the visual. When you look at the visual rather than the person, the focus remains on the information and not on the relationship. This keeps the interaction “clean.” If the other person does escalate, they are upset with the information, not with you.
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A Lesson from “Mhamo” Duty
The importance of these ingredients hit home for me recently. I was on “Mhamo” duty (Gaelic for grandma) for three of my grandchildren. Their parents were out for the night, and I was in charge of putting the “littles” to bed. I thought, no problem—they are so easy at our house!
But we weren’t at my house; we were at theirs. The routine was different, and that shift led to disruption and chaos. One of the littles even decided to test my boundaries. I was shocked—this never happens at our house! What was going on?
It occurred to me: the structure and routine were thrown off for all of us. I didn’t have anything to “go visual” with to ensure expectations and warnings were visible. The entire bedtime became a series of reactive moments leading to a consequence. If only I had been more visual and less oral… more eyes on the information and less on the child.
The “Prequel” to Management
While presenting ENVoY to a school in Minnesota recently, a comment from the audience sparked a new idea. In ENVoY, we often say: Discipline is reactive, while Management is proactive.
We want to take that a step further: Going Visual is the “prequel” precursor to proactive management.
If you know ahead of time that a situation might arise, and you prepare a visual redirection or guideline, you are setting up a neutralizer before the conflict even begins. You aren’t just managing a problem; you are preventing it.
The Plan for Next Time I now know to bring tools to “go visual” so we can enjoy our time together instead of spending it managing and disciplining. Next time, paper, Post-its, and thick markers (for easy reading from a distance) will be joining us.
We will create a plan ahead of bedtime using Post-its that they can take off their “to-do” sheet as they get ready. By setting this up in advance, we will all be on the same page and the expectations will be clear. Of course, we’ll add an incentive: if they get it all done before bedtime, they can pick an extra book or song to share with Mhamo.
Krista
How can MGA help you improve your nonverbal communication skills?
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