Tease The Cat, Please The Dog. Here's How To Understand Your Love Life – Michael Grinder & Associates

Tease the Cat, Please the Dog. Here’s How to Understand Your Love Life

Michael Grinder’s analogy of cats and dogs explains how we interact and respond in various aspects of life — from the office to the gym to our homes.

Here’s how the analogy of cats and dogs helps explain how we interact in our romantic relationships.


[Narrator] We’re about to sneak into Michael Grinder’s training room. He’s a pioneer when it comes to nonverbal communication. Let’s listen as he shares some of his secrets.

…Then, what’s next is context. Where are you a dog, and where are you a cat?

I’ll give you some examples:

— How about financial? Do you take risks, or do you like routines?

Careers, what do you do with your career? Craig’s a cat. He’s gonna go for things.

— The one I love is this. Romance. Who’s the dog, and who’s the cat in your love life?

My wife, Gail, she is a dog to the whole world. You call my company, she’ll answer, “Michael Grinder & Associates, Gail Grinder speaking, can I help you?” She is really nice!

Except with one person.

And you need to know every dog needs an outlet for their cat, and every cat needs an outlet to be their dog.

So Gail and I absolutely are perfect because I like being her romantic dog — and I am safe enough so that she can be the romantic cat. I do things all the time for her.

Yesterday, she got a book. I ordered it before I left America ten days ago. I made sure I had a piece of paper, I wrote in the inscription, I put it inside the book, and then my office people gave her the book.

For Valentine’s Day, she gets flowers — but I realized after a couple of years that if you give a cat flowers on the day they’re supposed to get them, it doesn’t work.

That’s what you do with dogs, but not with cats.

So now every time there’s an occasion where she expects to get something, I have to fool with it, I have to move it around, it’s got to be a surprise of some kind.

So two years ago, on February 1st, she got two dozen roses, and the note said, “I can’t wait fourteen more days, I love you too much.”

For our 34th wedding anniversary, we had these little chocolates at home called Kisses. And so what I did was I made sure I got up early before she walked into the bathroom — I made sure I wasn’t there, I got up early. On the floor, I took these little Kisses, and I spelled out the number 34. Then, on the shower head, I took a cord and ran it down to the shower ground, and I wrapped roses around it. Then I had this big, big sign that said, “34 years! I kiss the ground you walk on, and I shower you with flowers.”

I’m one sick puppy. Madly in love with her, and I have the urge to give her something. No, you can’t do that. You’ve got to figure out what does the cat want? Surprises. They want surprises.

What does a dog want? Never surprise a dog. They want routines!

Give you some more, just so you can really… sorry about this, sir. Her birthday’s during the summertime, so one year, I hired a skywriter to put her name in a cloud.

My license plate is personalized. It says “Gailsy” on it. I couldn’t get Gail, someone already had it for the state I live in. But I took the little border that holds the license plate on, and I had it made personally, and it says, “Michael’s addiction.”

How do you understand your love life? Are you the dog? Are you the cat?

We know from the book called “The Five Languages of Love,” we normally love the way we want to be loved. No! You have to love the way they want to be loved.

So, in general, with the cats and with the dogs, here’s the secret.

Tease the cat. Please the dog.

We’re gonna say it twice, ready? Ready? Let’s go:

[Crowd] Tease the cat, please the dog.

Here’s more information about how cats and dogs can build a more balanced relationship.

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